on a rollercoaster

after i had a total and complete emotional breakdown yesterday...sobbed and snotted all over my husband...stared out windows...moped around...wrote angry blogs...ruined my contacts with tears...i did some google 'research' and found that sometimes....for a variety of reasons including: different batches of tests and different amounts of pink dye, different times of the day and different levels in urine, ect ect.....that some women have had the fainter line scenario....and gone one to have great levels and have babies.

of course, you can find anything on the internet and for every link that makes you go "oh thank god" you have one that makes you want to shield your eyes and say "oh NO oh no!"

so after my fit of sadness and rage, and then google research enlightenment, i came to terms that it is out of my control and i just should try to focus on being calm. this was difficult because all the cramping was distracting me from my zen state. so finally i started to think of the cramping as a good sign.....because i had no bleeding (more google research) and stayed on the couch and watched x-files and ate pizza.

so i took the last FRER test this morning. while waiting for the results i was saying "it was just a fluke, that test was wrong, it was just a fluke, i am totally pregnant, it was just a fluke, it will be darker today"

and this showed up:












if that does not look like much....let's compare. top is from friday (11 dpo). middle is from yesterday (13 dpo). and the bottom is from today (14 dpo). doesn't the middle one look like an asshole?














let's just pretend i only took this one:














so now i have called the doctor. i am waiting for a call back. not sure if he will actually do a blood test today or not.....he likes to wait until week 5 to start blood tests.


and the dramatic saga of my life continues. next hurdle: blood levels doubling