waiting makes me want to slam my head against walls

7 days past ovulation. i have no pregnancy symptoms at all.

i drank last night. 3 beers.

whatever.

part of me wants to be hopeful and think there is a chance that one day of baby making in the car was enough.

but the other part is used to disappointment and will not be surprised if it didn't work.

so i drank 3 beers. because why put my life on hold at this point? it is the giant "what if" constantly on my mind and i am getting tired of the heartache.

and beer is delicious. it's not like i was taking shots of tequila.

the waiting is the worst.

i wish i could sit down with my husband and make a plan. a concrete plan. something we both sign and initial. it would go something like....if, in 6 months from now, we have not conceived by sporadic, on a whim, champagne induced techniques, we will give it a real go and eff daily like rabbits. sign here, here, and initial here.

so 6 months from now would be....october.

i might run this by him. i doubt he would sign.