wait.

feeling better today. i know it is out of my hands. i just have to be hopeful and wait. more waiting. this whole process is waiting waiting waiting. you wait to ovulate. you wait to test. you wait for blood confirmation. you wait to see the heart beat. you wait to make through the first 12 weeks.

i do feel good whenever i feel pukey or when i feel the dull cramping of my uterus growing. i put my hope in these things. that maybe, just maybe, my body is doing what it is supposed to be doing and that it is still possible to get good news on tuesday. to get a good, high beta number.
and if not....well, i am doing everything i can....so i have to find comfort in the "if it is meant to be.." mantra. i am working on trusting the universe.

i told my husband today how crazy it is to all day go from extremes...from joy to fear to joy to fear. and he said i can't wait for this part to be over with. i replied with "am i being annoying? i thought i was being better than last time. at least i am not throwing chairs at you".

and he said.....this isn't all about you, dana.

and i realized he is going through the same extremes. he is here with me feeling fear and joy.....and with so many questions. he just hides it better than me.