sweet progesterone

i didn't go postal on the insurance lady...i did hang up on her and then cry....but i was otherwise nice. i won't bore anyone with the details....but i do feel totally effed. my doc is in my network. the lab they use is also in my network. the lab sent my blood work to an out of network testing place. so....it was totally out of my control and i feel royally fucked by the lab.

so i owe 755 dollars. for some blood work.....after a miscarriage....that showed nothing is wrong with me.

in other progesterone related news, i cried all the way to old navy today. no good reason. i was thinking about this journey. the last year of my life. all the heartache and loss. all the hoping and wondering. all the obsessing. thinking about how it will all be worth it when i can finally hold our baby.

i am 8 days past ovulation. again. another day of another cycle in another year.
i feel.....emotional. i feel pretty symptomless....and i guess this makes me happy because i felt the same way with the last 2 pregnancies. i had a little, tiny bit of cramping today but it could be anything. could be that i had to poop. could be my period. could be the progesterone. could be made up in my head.

i guess i only have a few more days of not knowing. thank goodness! as much as i hope i am pregnant again RIGHT THIS SECOND....i will feel relieved to just know one way or another.

i feel bad for my poor husband....i keep saying "be nice to me" and he is like "i am being nice to you!" and i feel so needy and sensitive. ah.....progesterone.....turns me back into a high school girlfriend.