11 weeks

confessions:

we went out for a fancy sushi dinner last night for our anniversary. it was wonderful and delicious and very very raw.

i have had ramen for lunch 5-6 times in the last week or so. i know it has msg. i know this because i used to never NEVER let msg near me. it is poison!! toxic!! not allowed in the house!

i had salami and a hotdog in the same night.

i had waffles for breakfast and then again for dinner.

i have been drinking chai. i know it has caffeine. i know!!!! i also know it is delicious!!



ok...now that i have gotten that all out of the way and the guilt weight has lifted...

pregnancy related updates:

the appointment with the midwife went well.

we talked about all the normal stuff....i am actually not entirely sure what we talked about because the entire hour the only thing i heard was the voice in my head saying "when do i get to hear the heartbeat? will there be a heartbeat. fuck, i hope there is still a heartbeat. when are we going to hear the heartbeat? what if she can't find the heartbeat? man i want to hear the heartbeat....heartbeat.....heartbeat....."

on the outside i smiled and nodded a lot. i answered some medical history questions and later realized i had answered some wrong.

so after lots of talking, a pelvic exam, breast exam and pap.....she finally brought out the doppler. and after not hearing anything after probing my belly for a few minutes....she got the dildo attachment. lovely, i know. tell me about it. so a glob of lube and an uncomfortable yet intimate moment later and.....there it was. clear as day. the heartbeat. 170 bpm.


i am supposed to go in for the NT scan next week. this is slightly nerve wracking because A) it is another ultrasound and they freak me out and B) they are checking for abnormalities and genetic disorders like down syndrome. i am trying not to think about it until i actually have it scheduled...which i tried to do but couldn't because apparently there is only one hospital in all of the greater Seattle area that can do this particular scan....and they are all booked up! imagine that! but i need to get this scan between 11-13 weeks.....so they are "seeing what they can do".


what else.....oh! my digestive system seems to have shut down. i think around 6 pm each night everyone stamps out and leaves for the day. the machines screech to a halt. first my intestines bloat up. gas comes from all directions. nothing is moving. nothing!! (nothing really moves anyway....but at night! oh dear god!!) at some point after hours of pain and whining and moaning....the gas builds up to such extreme levels that it slowly escapes in tiny puffs here and there. this tiny puffs contain high levels of toxic poison that can kill husbands and dogs. at this point exhaustion has set in after hours of discomfort and pain. i wake up each day feeling great like it was all a nasty nightmare. until the next evening it starts again.

also.....i am still puking. but only once a day on average. sometimes i pee my pants when i am vomiting. just a little. but enough to make me realize that i asked for this! i wanted all of this!! i begged for this! and by golly you will get it and it will be ugly and awful and ridicules!!! you will puke all the time! you will pee your pants! you will not poop for days and days!!! but REMEMBER....YOU WANTED THIS!!!!! baaaahahahahahahahah



in other news:

i learned how to crochet today and am half way done with a beautiful scarf. next step will be advancing to knitting. soon i will be whipping out baby booties and crib blankets, no prob.
(this would be funny to you if you saw how janky and inconsistent my scarf attempt looks.)