in other news

we got chicks! yes, we will have a backyard, urban flock of chickens. they are 2 weeks old now and growing like crazy. they are approaching the awkward teen chicken stage....with wonky feathers and gangly feet....when we got them they were tiny balls of fuzz. They live in the basement right now in a brooder and will move to a sweet outdoor coop in about a month. then...hopefully by mid-end of summer we will have eggs! can't wait!

the haps of late

oh hi.

so on Feb 13th, at 11 dpo, i got this:






















and then i got this, you know, just for fun:

















so i had about 2 days of hopeful and calm pregnancy thoughts.....but you know it can't be easy for me, right? ....so then, 2 days after my beautiful pregnancy test......

i had bleeding. cramps. red blood. a clot. (sorry...but if that grosses you out...you are on the wrong blog)

so.....of course...I'm sad. devastated. we talk about how we should take a break from trying for awhile because this is just too much. too emotional.

but i only had that bleeding one time. in fact i woke up the next morning prepared for the worst but i had a dry pad and no cramps.

so WTF, right? WHAT. THE. FUCK.

so i wait for it to start. and wait. and a week goes by. and then i decide to go get my beta numbers done....

20 dpo: 5600
22 dpo: 10,000


so.......now i wait to see if there is in fact a baby growing in there....my u/s is next Wednesday.

i am not very hopeful. i am not very confident. i am trying to not get ahead of myself......and i hate this fucking limbo. because i can't be excited and i can't down a bottle of tequila. i just have to wait. and wait. and hope to not see more blood every single fucking time i go pee.

so yes, i am technically pregnant. but i had a missed miscarriage in Dec 08 that haunts me. well, i guess they all do.


onto the fun stuff:
no puking yet...but I've had a couple of those "omg this is the grossest thing i have ever eaten" moments while eating a meal that pass and you continue eating...like this AM while eating scrambled eggs.
cravings: tuna melt, veggie bagels, rocky road.
aversions: nothing really yet...but Dan ate some bbq potato chips last night and the smell made me want to kill him.
other stuff: i am starving. and exhausted. on sunday i took two, 3 hour naps. this morning for breakfast i had 2 eggo waffles, 2 scrambled eggs, and an english muffin. and i was still hungry. and who eats eggo waffles? 5 year olds and pregnant women.
oh and my nips hurt and i am still breastfeeding milo....let me tell you how awesome that feels.

so....another year, another month, another rollercoaster. everyone cross your fingers next wednesday.