Thursday, December 1, 2011


no longer on the bench.

and we just bought a car that seats 7. SEVEN. guess who plans to fill every available seat with a baby? ME. that's who.

that sound crazier than it is....4 of the seats are spoken for.....which really only leaves 3 seats. and the middle seat in the 3rd row doesn't really!


wonder how many months it will take to get knocked up....again.....back to where i started.....wasn't it just August?

PS sort of annoying that i will either be getting my period or testing on Christmas. it is my favorite holiday.....and i just don't want anything to spoil would be the ultimate gift to get a positive test that day....but i'm not holding my breath.....but just in case:

Dear Santa,

Please bring me a positive pregnancy test for christmas. Well, i guess i will be taking the test in my bathroom vanity i have been just fill my bladder with good urine. and put a baby in my uterus. but not your husband's. i know for this to happen we will need to get busy about 2 weeks before christmas....but i don't claim to understand how your magic works, Santa. i just want you to bring me this one gift, somehow. some way. positive pregnancy test. k? Bonus points if it actually sticks and turns out to be a baby.
there is one, and only one, way to correctly make a turkey sandwich after thanksgiving.

1. white bread, mayo.

2. cranberry sauce on one side, stuffing on the other.

3. turkey goes on top of stuffing.

4. cranberry side goes on top of turkey side and BOOM. best sandwich EVER.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


I got pulled over for expired tabs yesterday. and then I got pulled over for expired tabs again about an hour later.

yep, that kind of day.

as I was sitting there....the first time....watching the cop write my ticket in the rear view, I realized that most of the time I don't feel or act like an adult. I have no idea what I am doing and I am totally irresponsible...but I have learned to fake it over the years.....which begs the question: why learn to fake it, when you could actually learn to take care of responsibilities like an adult?

Because, dear abandoned blog,

I was going to put an answer there that would make all sorts of sense.....but I couldn't get past this: I'm lazy. because I am too lazy to be a grown-up.

I was too lazy to renew my tabs. I am too lazy to clean the fridge or fold the clean laundry.

the moments I actually feel like an acceptable adult/wife/mom are the following:

1. after the cleaning lady comes each month.

that is it. that is the only time I feel like a grown up.

Friday, November 11, 2011

November means December is close...

i know i have been a debbie downer lately....but no more! it is time to focus on my favorite time of the year.

warning: holiday cheer approaching.

Holiday Season Loves

1. eggnog
in coffee. use it to replace milk in in pancakes, muffins, french toast, cakes. add some rum or bourban. add some ginger ale. did i mention it in coffee?

2. christmas music
i have been singing silent night to milo at bedtime for a couple weeks. i put on nat king coles christmas album on the record player daily. and listen while sipping eggnog coffee.

3. the smell of pine
oh how i love winter scented stuff. candles, soap, lotion, dishsoap. cedar, cinnamon, apple, pumpkin, pine, juniper, clove, nutmeg. there is nothing better than a warm house filled with the smell of pine and cinnamon.

4. cozy up
i love fires in the fireplace, warm blankets and a mug of something hot.....and alcoholic. have you tried a hot buttered rum? delish. and sweaters and scarves and boots and thick socks and coats and hats. mmmmmm.

5. gifts
for me. just kidding. i love shopping for gifts. this year i am going to try to only shop locally (in my neighborhood) to support our local shops....and i am also going to buy from etsy, because handmade gifts are way cooler than JUNK. if it is plastic and mass produced, i'm not buying it. this is going to be difficult with 2 target considered a local shop? ha! i kid, i kid.

6. traditions
i really love coming up with our little families new traditions....and integrating some of our own childhood traditions. i love our elf tradition (my mom started this one in our family)....which is a gift on christmas eve which is always NEW PAJAMAS....which, as you know, is the only thing i wear. We are an atheist home, and have chosen not to include the idea of santa into our celebration....i mean, he is a part of it like a snowman is...and we still go get pics and all that....but we don't say that he is real and comes into our home to deliver gifts...the gifts are from us and santa is the mascot ;)

7. food
casseroles. roasts. apples. soups. stews. cookies. holiday baking. oh how i love food.

there are many people out there who dislike this time of year. they hate christmas music on the radio, hate shopping, hate eggnog and yuletide cheer. i am not one of those people. i LOVE THIS SHIT.

here are some pics from last year.....eeep! cant wait to get the tree!!

YES, i know it is mid November. and yes, i know there is still that Thanksgiving hurdle before I can decorate....but soo....very soon....

Monday, November 7, 2011

on the bench

i dyed my hair. i am no longer blond and cheery. i am now an emo brunette. don't you love how hair color can change your entire personality? doesn't? pssssh. whatever. (the new emo brunette me is rolling my eyes and biting my nails and staring at the floor).

i never went back to the doctor. i was supposed to go get another blood draw to confirm everything was...complete. i hated that idea so much that i said...nope...not going to drive all the way to the clinic, sit in a waiting room, get a blood draw, and get another fucking "i'm sorry" phone call from Dr. Hotstuff. so a week ago the nurse called me and reminded me that we should wait out this cycle.

wait wait wait fucking wait wait WAIT WAIT FUCKING WAIT. wait to ovulate. wait to test. wait for confirmation. wait for doubling numbers. wait for phone calls. wait for ultrasounds. wait for miscarriages. wait for it to be complete. wait a cycle. repeat. wait. wait. wait.

moving on to happy subjects...

my friend sarah had a beautiful baby girl on Thursday and i got to be there and photograph the birth. it was incredible. birth is just so powerful. it is so amazing and magical. i felt so honored to be there....i wish i had a beautiful pic to post, but i used my friends camera....hopefully she will share some with me at some point...

Milo fills my heart up everyday.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

words words words

i have almost finished an entire bottle of wine...all by myself. if i squint my left eye i can almost see the letters on the keyboard. in other news, i baked a caramel apple upside down cake today. Halloween. it is also the day we got married. we dressed in costume. we kissed every anxious minute and took stupid pictures of the Seattle skyline. we were called back to the judges chambers and were told how important marriage is and i felt like she was scolding us...because...well, we were in costume and clearly not taking it very seriously. we giggled. my cheeks were flushed. i couldn't stop smiling. i think we were chewing gum. and it was the best thing i have ever done. my god, i love him. i am blown away every day by who he is. my husband. he is such a fantastic human.

a week ago, i was looking forward to our anniversary dinner...Indian food with no alcohol...we would talk about our growing family, what larger car to buy, how amazing everything is, how lucky we we will be drunk, eating the rawest fish possible....i will try to not burst into tears. things are still good. we are still very lucky for many things....but, we are also grieving and it sucks. it just sucks so fucking bad. it isn't just this miscarriage. it is all of them. they pile on top of each other. it is the fear of more. it is the crushing of hope. it is trying to celebrate with a shadow of pain hanging over you. it just sucks.

it has been a week. i think i am getting better. i feel slightly foolish for how hard i took this. there are no guarantees and i know that better than anyone.


i am going to go pass out now.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

moving on...

i took this one hard.

i have many thoughts on this. putting them down in words with structure seems impossible.

none of it is new. it has all been said. to get pregnant only to lose want this person. this addition. to imagine, only for a second, this person joining your family. you see little hopeful pictures of the future. and then it goes away and you must say goodbye to that little potential future. yes, it will happen again and maybe result in a baby, but not like that. not now. not June 2012. and there it sits. until it passes and even then. it was to be a huge month. now it is just another page on a calender that will come and go. like August 2009. March 2010. June 2012.

i just wanted it so bad. not only because of the obvious...but because i didn't want to go through this again. i don't want to suffer like this again. i have not felt sadness in so long. my life is so amazing and i am so in love with my husband and children and i forgot what this felt like. to feel lost in your own sadness. to want to jump out of your body. to want to numb yourself. to feel broken and unable to just shake it off. it just is so consuming. and i have a beautiful life to get back to. so....i need to move on. it is just so disorienting. i know it has a day...

i feel better than i did yesterday and i will feel better tomorrow. these things happen. but i just hate how people say that. it wasn't a thing that happened. it was a baby we wanted that will never be born into our life. so even though you know it happens and happens to still was to be your child and now is gone. it was your future and now it isn't.

so....i'll grieve this....let go of that future.....and move on. i have another future to get to.

Monday, October 24, 2011

didn't stick

started bleeding last night. i'm crushed. again.

i know it will all be ok. but right now i feel so, totally, completely devastated. again. fucking again.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


and i can still eat. i will feel much better when i am gagging and unable to eat.

all of this seems very surreal and silly until i am puking and peeing my pants. then and only then will i believe any of it.

since i never lost the pudge from my last pregnancy, i already look about 5 months pregnant.... if i let it hang out instead of sucking it in.... or if i wear this.

which i just bought.


sure did.

because when you are knocked up you can wear tight stuff to show off your bump...even if the bump is just pudge that you always have. when a baby lives in there, it is cute. when no baby lives in is very NOT CUTE.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


doc said numbers are good.....even though they sound low to me...he said they are doubling the way they should be...

12 dpo, hcg was 20
16 dpo, hcg was 72

so....still very early....i am going to wait for 2 weeks before I even schedule the first ultrasound.

time is never slower than it is in pregnancy. luckily i have a toddler to distract me. here he is hiding, one of our favorite games:

Sunday, October 16, 2011

to take my mind off it...

crafting! i have been making these little bird ornaments. i make one a day....and will be putting them on christmas, if you know me, expect one on your christmas gift :) i was thinking about selling them for a couple bucks on etsy....but i doubt anyone would buy them...they are "rustic"...all wonky and hand sewn....but that is sort of what i like about them...charm!

here we go again

i remember this feeling. it wasn't that long ago. it is fear. and then excitement. back to fear. daydream planning. then shaking it out of my thoughts. numbing it. pushing it away. and then joy. and then fear. fear. fear. then calm. peace. zen. what will be, will be. out of my hands. confidence. but then that all goes away when i remember. so i try to not think about any of it. which doesn't work. welcome to my crazy.

now we wait. and wait. and see if it sticks. it will, right? first beta was friday. next one will be tuesday.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

socks and stuff

i have so many things i should be cleaning right now.

clothes, diapers, dishes, floors, toilets, counter tops, windows...

cleaning with a Taz tornado is sort of a buzz kill. you don't get that great satisfying feeling of looking at the good job you did...because everything you clean is immediately covered with a new mess as the tornado follows your around....

Milo can hear the dishwasher open from 2 floors away and comes hauling ass into the kitchen to climb inside and chuck knives at me. then he runs to his room and grabs toys and throws them in the dishwasher, along with his sippy cup, socks, sandwich...

it is a super fun game.

see how instead of cleaning, i am blogging? so glad to be back and have another excuse to procrastinate.

let's talk about laundry for a family of 4 plus cloth diapers.


remember when you lived alone and laundry was like once a week....or maybe once every 2 weeks....and you would walk tot the laundromat with one basket and it took maybe 2 loads and you read a book and sipped a latte and watched clothes spin in dryers and it all felt so indie movie-esque and sort of grown up in a cool college way?

i don't remember those days either.

because my brain is mush and i am swimming in laundry. piles of man socks. how many socks does one man need? i think Dan has 5000 pairs of white socks. baby PJ's. tween jeans. disgusting cloth diapers (who's idea was this?) and of course all my elastic waist loungewear...because i refuse to wear anything that makes me feel anything that isn't pajamas. everything i own has a Milo handprint in yogurt smeared on it. last night i took off my tanktop and half a granola bar fell out.

i thought this was the future. where is my fucking laundry robot?

on a side note: nothing, NOTHING, inspires me to clean, like watching an episode of hoarders.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

a season has come and gone.

ok. it has been too long. i will blog. i will. i know i have said this before.....this time i mean it because we FINALLY HAVE INTERNET. it has been years. i mean, yes we have 3g and ipads and iphones.....but i apparently only blog from my laptop on the internet.

nothing really all that exciting is going on, i mean, other than the internet. i am happy and fat and baking with pumpkin every day. summer was great. we did a good amount of summertime fun activities like pool and sprinkler and bbqs and sleepovers on the deck and mommy drank a good amount of vodka mixed with lemonade.

Now it is fall and all is cozy. i busted out the crockpot. i dusted off the uggs and found my favorite scarf.

i want to get knocked up again...but my body has other plans i guess. i am still breastfeeding. Gasp! what? ew! i know. Tell him that because he thinks it is COOL as hell. the boy loves nursing and is showing no signs of slowing down.

i feel very ho-hum these days... i am content and happy....but i feel like i need a kick in the ass. i wear jams all day. i shower once a week. ok, maybe twice. i don't wear makeup. i only wear my glasses. so..yes, i let myself go. it happens. i should start running again but the babysitter moved and i hate running strollers.

i am boring myself to tears even writing this.

i blame the internet, but really i stopped blogging because i have turned into a lump of boring, dumb chub. my brain is mush.

enough about me and how awesome i am, lets talk about Milo.
he is 16 month and likes to climb on everything. like the dining room table. and once up there he does a little tapdance. he likes to run around and destroy stuff. like he'll rip books down from the book case and rip pages out and when you are picking up the books he will run to the laundry basket of clean, folded clothes and in a blur they are all over the house and he is screaming and dumping his leaky sippy cup all over everything and as you are picking up the clothes he takes off his diaper and pees on the floor and then stomps in it and.....
well, you get the point.
but he also will grab my hand and hold it in the cutest way and lead me around....and he likes to play with his little cars and trains and he loves books and will bring me a book and plop down in my lap and cuddle in and i melt every time. oh i love it.

i am still babywearing. still cloth diapering, still breastfeeding. and back to having another baby daydream....but that is another post...

here are some pics:

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


I have been meaning to post some pics and give an update...Courtney's Sister, Kelly, made a site for Kira and it has all of Courtney's updates...they are very moving and honest and most of them make me cry...she writes about this experience in a very raw, vulnerable way...please go here and click on "Updates"

there is also a place where you can donate to their medical fund...

here is the first pic they posted on facebook after this whole ordeal started...i took this on my second visit... a couple days before her surgery. She truly has the most amazing smile...

and then these are from one of Milo's visits...this is after her surgery and before she started the high fat diet of butter and cream and cheese to fatten her little cheeks back up :)

Monday, April 11, 2011

11 months!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I am very pro-breastfeeding for all the obvious reasons. With Riley, I told myself I had to nurse for at least 6 months. Then a year rolled around and I couldn't imagine stopping. Another important part of breast-feeding is how it stops....and for me...self weaning is the only thing that seems right. So Riley self weaned down to 2 times a day, morning and night, at 14 months. And then by 18 months she was down to just one feeding at night before bed. She easily let this go when I offered her a bottle of warm water at bedtime. Yes, water. (I was very weird....still am I guess....but I think cows milk is so gross and couldn't imagine giving it to a baby). Nursing her for 18 months was great. She was ready to stop and I was emotionally ready for her to move on.

It is slightly different with Milo. As I mentioned, he bites. Riley never bit. He bit so hard once in january when he was cutting his second top tooth, that I had this horrible, painful puncture wound that felt like I was being stabbed every time he latched for 3 weeks. He flails and thrashes around, latching and unlatching and it is like holding a bag of kittens. Wild, feral kittens on crack. In a bag that weighs 20 lbs.

Another thing is this: I would like to have another baby. Not right this second....but yes, in the next 6 months or so, We would like to start trying again (I say "we"....but have not really told my husband yet). I want him to have a sibling close in more than 2 1/2- 3 years apart....which means I need to start trying in August. As in THIS august. Weird, right?
I am one of those weird chicks that doesn't get her period, thus making it impossible to pregnant, as long as I am breastfeeding. Even after I was down to the 2 nursings a day with Riley....and then not at all past 18 months....i didn't get my period again until she was almost 2.

So....what to do. The best part is that Milo will not take a bottle, pacifier, sippy cup....


Don't get me wrong, I still love it 90% of the time. I am not ready to give it up, and I really don't think that is even possible right now. I have no idea how I would even is still such a huge part of mothering right now. I nurse, on demand, many times a day. And when he is not a biting bag of feral kittens, I love it. It is so cozy and warm. It is the only time he really slows down and cuddles (he is very busy right now, like most 10 month olds) and I love that I have a food source, ready to whip out, anywhere, anytime. And if that grosses you out, well, you should probably look away.... :)


my best friend from of my most favorite people in world...has a baby girl, Kira, who is one month younger than Milo...and last week Kira had friend didn't like the way her breathing sounded so took her to the ER...they admitted her and put her on oxygen for the night....but then next day she wasn't better...then they decided to put her on a ventilator because she was having a lot of trouble breathing....and then the doctor couldn't get the tube down her throat. so the did an emergency scope and discovered she has a web of cartilage blocking her airway and vocal chords. (this explains the cute, soft, raspy voice she has always had...and her wheezing that her pediatrician said was nothing to worry about).

So they gave her a tracheotomy. then the next day her lungs collapsed and her trach failed. so they put tubes in her lungs and re-did the trach. so Kira was totally sedated, with a feeding tube, a trach, and a ventilator. imagine seeing your baby like that. imagine not being able to hold your baby, nurse them, comfort them....

i can't put in words how this feels. no words really capture the feeling in your chest when your friend is watching her baby struggle for life. her whole life has crashed in front of her...

and you read stories of these type of things happening to people....but they never happen to you..your family...your best friend's 9 month old baby. until it does.

and i just want her better.

and i keep looking at Milo and crying. because he is healthy and i love him so much. every time i complain about his biting or his lack of sleeping....i am then flooded with the realization that he is healthy. and i should just squeeze him and cuddle him and enjoy all of this. take a deep breath when it gets stressful, and enjoy.

Kira is now stable. she is being lifeflighted to Seattle Childrens tomorrow (they live in Montana). She will have surgery later this week to remove the cartilage...

so, here i am, asking for everyone to send healing thoughts to Kira.

i took this pic in January when they visited...


pics from the last couple months

monster baby

i feel like i am dodging collections when i think about this blog. it is like that "oh crap!! i know! i know, i know I KNOW!! i just keep FORGETTING to send the check!!" feeling....i have been meaning to update for so long....and then i forget and then i feel crappy about it.

i mean....not that i get collections phone calls or anything. well, not since college. but who doesn't get sent to collections in college, right?


moving on!

i am sure no one reads this anymore....because that is what happens when you stop blogging....but i am going to try to be better...really....seriously...

Milo is 10 months. He likes playing with his dirty clothes basket (takes all the dirty clothes out and flings there all over the room), the dishwasher, the heat vent, and the plunger.

those are his go-to fave toys.

he bites like a piranha, scratches, pinches, headbutts....

so, as you can see, it is all roses and gumdrops around here.

just a little post baby self loathing.

i wrote this about about 6 weeks ago...forgot to post...whoopsie!

My first born turned 8 last friday. EIGHT. I know what you are thinking, I don't look/ act old enough to have an 8 year old. I know, I know. Go on.

We went to a tea with 3 of her friends. 8 is this weird contrast of still being little enough to have a tea party and want to sit next to the stuffed teddy bear....with singing every lyric of that obnoxious song "alllll around the worllllld....can you hear me? Alllll around the world, city to city". On the drive home one of her cute little friends had a little handheld nintendo D-somethingerather thingiemabob that you can play AWESOME games on and it takes pictures.....and she was on this little game thing the whole tea party. And when I asked about it she said "it is only $250".

So I kind of wanted to break it into a thousand pieces and tell her that she should tell her parents that $250 would be better spent on some MANNERS....but I didn't.

Which brings me too: the rage.

What is up with this weird post-partum hormonal rage fest?


Am I just an asshole?

No, no. I assure you....I may be an asshole at times, yes. And I do have these visions of doing and saying asshole like things all the time...but, who doesn't? Right? Anyone?

But....I mentioned the funk before. This is common. Ask any new-ish mom. There is a time, after you emerge from the post infant blur/ fog/ cloud....where the lines are all so blurry and you must redefine where you start and the baby stops and where oh where did the "me" go? The me that is not a mom of a baby, the me that wears real clothes not just pink pajama pants and old navy tank tops, the me that remembers to shower and wear mascara.

So I went through the funk. I felt fat and pathetic and FRUMP. Oh god, so frumpy. Pathetically frump....and pissed about it. I am not frump. I am hot. I am fun. I am sexy. I am fucking hilarious and I can flirt the pants off men and women. But I had to remember this because when I looked in the mirror and FRUMP looked back at me....I believed it. I was like, oh. Hi. This is you now, I guess. Well, ok.

So yeah. Funk. Then....anger. Hormonal anger. Anger directed at myself for agreeing, even for a minute, that I was frump.

And then I got the worst haircut of my life. I am not overreacting here. It was like the floppy butt cut of boys in 1993. The long bowl-ish butt flop top over short sides. And I wanted to claw my face off. I was a miserable human for....oh about a week. Which is too long to hate yourself when you have a family to love and a life to get back too.

Funny how it all builds....and one day you get a haircut and the tree branch snaps and the avalanche levels the side of a mountain. The tree branch was my hair. The snow on top of that tree branch? A sick baby the week before....the lack of sleep, the spoiled, rude 8 year old, the fat loaf belly in the mirror, not getting carded for booze, some comment from my mom that was of course innocent like all insulting comments from my all builds and builds...and then *snap*

After a week of rage, I hired a babysitter, went running, bought a tanning package, went tanning, took a shower, shaved my furry legs and pits, and got a new HOT haircut.

watch out, world, i'm back.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


In a attempt to get organized I bought a filing box thingie. While chatting with Dan about the new me with a "system" I grabbed a pen and started filling out the labels for my new files. I looked down at my first label and was about to slide it into the little plastic tab....only to realize I wrote "stuff".

Good thing I will have a file for stuff. The piles of stuff around the house will be much easier to dig through now that it is all jammed into a file.

Moments like this make me think I was dropped as a baby. I am waiting for the truth, mom.



I've never liked rules. I don't like mainstream anything. I am very skeptical of anyone claiming to have answers...even doctors and teachers....especially them. I don't trust easily. I think there is always another agenda. I see recipes as suggestions.

In parenting, there is always someone with an answer. Some of them are based in fact....but anyone can find facts that fit their argument these days.

I say this....because we selectivly vaccinate using a delayed schedule. I will not let my boy "cry it out". Ever. We didn't circumcise and I see it as such a barbaric, horrible, outdated cut off any part of my baby for cosmetic reasons....especially the most sensitive part of his genitals simply because that is what Americans gives me nightmares.

But like me, everyone has an opinion. And that is fine. Parenting is empowering because we get to decide what is right for our families. I get to make these choices. I don't use a stroller. I will breastfeed on demand for as long as I can. I use cloth diapers because that is what works for us and it makes me feel less guilty than filling a landfill with shit.

We all do what we think it right and what works best for our families. I am no better and no worse than other parents. I have opinions. We all do.

Not sure why I am typing this....other than every once in awhile I come across a preachy blog about how I am a bad parent if I don't vaccinate. And sometimes people I know suggest to let Milo just cry in his crib. And I just realized that their are moms out there that read 20 books a day to their 8 month old and I barely talk to Milo, let alone read to him. I kid. But really. Joking. But seriously.

For the record, I never read to Riley as an infant and she is an advanced reader. Just saying. I also never taught her sign language and she has no problem communicating....just last Friday she yelled "I hate you" loud and clear.

Badum ching!


I just realized I may come off as preachy. Am I preachy in my dislike of preachiness? I don't try to be.

My point: No matter what you do and how you parent, it will always be your fault when your grown child writes "stuff" on a filing label.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Saturday, January 8, 2011

holla back!

it has been a long time, blog.

the last couple months have been a blur....the holidays are normally like that, i guess. we sold our old house and it closed dec 17....before it closed we were scrambling to fix things found in the inspection, clean out a disgusting storage shed full of mold and mildew and spiders and my old high school notebooks of poetry, my homecoming velvet dress, tupperware full of old sheets and get the point.

then we had Christmas. in the new house. it was a dream. i love our home. i love our little family of four. i love the stockings hung above the fireplace.

this was also are first year WITHOUT SANTA. i know, we are heartless heathens. but i had started it with riley...dan and i got married and i learned of his objections (he was not raised with santa) and so we decided to not have that be a part of our celebration as soon as Riley discovered the truth. As atheists, we already celebrate for a different reason than some (i was never raised with Christ being any part of Christmas)...but to remove Santa completely from Christmas...well it took some time for me to adjust to the idea. When i finally understood that we could still celebrate, we could still have traditions, we could still have all the magic....WITHOUT having to lie about a fake man with a beard flying around delivering gifts...well, it was a relief. and Christmas was magical. it was fantastic and i loved it.
(i feel about this the same way i feel about being atheist, we have incredible love, morals, tradition and complete joy in our family without believing in god)


Milo loves peaches. He hates bananas. he loves Coco (the awful, bad, horrible dog) and his big sister. he smiles every time Riley walks in a room. he crawls everywhere and we are working on sleep training. he is still nursing a lot....but also eating baby oatmeal, carrot puree, peach puree, and green beans....and paper. he eats, or tries to eat, A LOT of paper. i fish huge chunks of paper out of the roof of his mouth multiple times a day.

now lets talk about me.

i cut off all my hair. i went on a free for all sugar and alcohol binge for the last 2 months, i have some sort of tendonitis in my right wrist from holding a baby...or maybe holding the ipad....not sure which. i still have not had my period and it bugs me....still have 10 lbs to lose (er, make that 15) and i AM OBSESSED WITH BABYWEARING. please see post below for pics. i think about babywearing all day long. i look at online photos of wraps. WRAPS. long pieces of woven fabric. seriously. i need to get out more.

side note: should i change the name of this blog? i is pretty neglected isn't a daydream anymore. it is a very real reality! remember when it was a daydream? i do. that was not very fun. but at least i blogged back then. it is like when you have an awful boyfriend you can write constantly about how awful they are...and when you have an amazing boyfriend you have nothing to say because you are too busy being happy. or it may not be like that at all....but i just thought of it because i have these mildewy notebooks full of bad bad bad poetry (i use that word loosely) about LOSERS. but not anything about my husband....well not really....i am sure i have some on my other old neglected blog...

point is that i am not trying to have a baby anymore so i don't have as much to write about. and the blogs that write about what their kid eats are boring. and i just wrote about what Milo is eating. fuck. i am going to solve this. i will find something interesting to blog about.....i swear. any input would be appreciated.



nakey boy!!!

Milo is almost 8 months. he is crawling everywhere and is FAST. like as soon as he touches the floor there is a skidding sound and a blur of baby. he also pulls himself to stand on everything, and will only use one hand to hold himself up....crazy, right?
wasn't he just born?


i am sort of obsessed. sort of like i was about cloth diapers when i was pregnant.

i could go on and on about why and the benefits for both baby and mom.....but i really just hate strollers with a passion....and wraps are so pretty...