Sunday, October 16, 2011

here we go again

i remember this feeling. it wasn't that long ago. it is fear. and then excitement. back to fear. daydream planning. then shaking it out of my thoughts. numbing it. pushing it away. and then joy. and then fear. fear. fear. then calm. peace. zen. what will be, will be. out of my hands. confidence. but then that all goes away when i remember. so i try to not think about any of it. which doesn't work. welcome to my crazy.

now we wait. and wait. and see if it sticks. it will, right? first beta was friday. next one will be tuesday.


  1. Congrats!!!!!! So exciting!!!

  2. thanks! i am totally shocked. i don't think it will feel anywhere close to real for another 5 months. may feel real when i start puking again.