i am finally feeling better. i am looking forward to the warm summer months...walking to the pool....flipflops.....freckles. i am able to move forward without feeling that overwhelming crushed feeling.
it was touch and go for a bit, but i am actually enjoying my husband. it is definitely hard on a marriage when one person is in a dark hole of despair. we have gone through a lot. i love him completely and feel so lucky to have him.
there was some resentment....some? a lot. a lot of resentment when he said he wanted to wait for awhile before trying again. i struggled with why he would do that to me. i was so absorbed in my own pain that i couldn't see his. i think most women connect healing from their loss with that idea of getting pregnant again. you think you will be better and less sad when you get pregnant again. you want to feel that hope again so desperately.
i can't say i am glad he made that decision...but i understand it.
and i had to move on. i had to get to a place where there was more. where i could feel love and happiness.
not sure what will happen and when. not sure if it is not this month, when it will be. but i know it will happen.
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