period came. and i have a sinus thing going on. so basically, i feel like complete shit.
on the bright side, um.....*thinking thinking thinking*......oh! it is memorial day weekend,the sun is shining, and i have a full bottle of vanilla vodka.
who knows when all this will happen. i hate this part of each month. these are the dark days. in cycle lingo...days 1-15, SUCK pretty much. and then, if i feel there has been a potential good timed, um, shall we say session?, then days 16-28 (sometimes to 30) are kind of long but filled with hope and excitement. the daydreaming days. the days i feel so happy and in love with my husband. and then crash. back to cycle day ONE, also know as the cycle day that crushes my hopes and dreams. cycle day one, the day i feel resentment for my husband for not wanting to actually TRY to make this happen for real.
fuck you, cycle day one. i hate you.
i might be going to LA in June.....perfectly times around when i ovulate. so June will be a no go. who knows how my husband will feel by July.....maybe he will feel better by then and want to give it a real go....but i won't be holding my breath.
also, while i am ranting, it is so strange to have friends that started trying the same time you did.....and got pregnant.....and you watch their entire pregnancy, from announcing it, to the first ultrasound, to finding out it is a boy, to getting huge and awkward to giving birth yesterday to a healthy baby......and i am still here....still wanting and still hoping. and they went through the entire process already! they went through the finish gates and i am still at the starting line just stomping my feet.