i went on a road trip with my daughter and my dog this past weekend and it was freaking fantastic. we went to montana, saw lots of deer and tiny spotted fawns, horses, a fox.....i drank lots of tequila with a good friend and went on beautiful hikes to waterfalls. we dipped in the river, we got eaten by mosquito's, we ate the sweetest montana strawberries.
I missed my husband and it was nice to come home to him. i thought a lot about this whole baby making thing (of course, when do i NOT think about it?) on the trip and i think i actually figured some stuff out. i feel like i have resolved some of my issues.....mellowed slightly on the obsession. it was like i went to rehab. i feel grounded and clean. if we get pregnant soon, that would be great. but i feel free from the obsession of it. at least i do right now. i am actually aware of all the things i should appreciate about this stage of my life and this stage of our marriage. we can go on romantic trips together. we go out to dinner all the time. we sleep really well. we can go camping. we might go to paris soon. we stay up late and watch movies and snuggle on the couch. he is my focus. my daughter is 6 1/2 and will be in first grade. she is independent and easy. she can make herself a bowl of cereal and work the dvd player on sunday mornings so we can sleep in. these are things i should appreciate. having an infant is amazing and incredible....but it also sucks and takes a ton of work. that is fact. and i know my relationship with my husband will take a backseat for a time after we have a baby. although i am ready for it, i also should enjoy my life without it right now. and i do. i really enjoy my life when i stop obsessing about getting pregnant every single month.
with all that said......i am probably ovulating in the next day or so. i know this because my body is really good at announcing it. so.....if it happens, it happens....but i VOW, right here and now on this blog....that i will NOT obsess and i will not attack my husband tonight. i mean i probably will, but not in that crazy "WE MUST MAKE BABY NOW" way.